... You are completely immune to vomit, snot, poop, and pee being hurled, thrown, or splashed in your direction. You just accept it. Like a precious gift given to you. It doesn't even phase you to get thrown up on.
... You eat cold food. All day, every day. It's cold.
... Or, you eat huge massive bites of scalding hot food because you're shoveling it down your throat because your one year old is about to stick his hand in the toilet.
... You can't even poop in peace. Even when you shut the door, lock it, and turn out the lights. It doesn't matter. The kid's radars know exactly where you are and what you are doing. You will not have two minutes to yourself.
Which leads me to this awesome picture....
Which is SO completely true in our house. And makes me wonder... Does it really take 30 minutes to poop? Really?? I can poop in well under 5 minutes. Well, I guess I kinda learned to....
... You get to go to the grocery store alone with Husband. This is a date.
... You get to go to Target alone with Husband. This is an awesome date!
... You silently think "Yesssssssss!" when older boy requests a peanut butter and jelly for lunch because let's face it, you eat the same things as your preschooler and turkey and cheese is getting really old.
... You give in to your 4 year old's request and give him control of Netflix on "No Electronics Day" because you're dying to know what's going on in Facebook world. Or maybe you just want to close your eyes on the couch for 5 minutes.
... You give yourself a time out and hide out in the darkness of the boy's room to eat that cookie that you've been hiding because you absolutely do not want to share. And you just need a time out.
... You have to run errands and have to hurry before little boy's nap. So you frantically put together older boy's lunch to eat in the car, specially make little boy's lunch to eat once you're there, put together a snack bag for tantrum/meltdown moments, get each boy's special drink bottle, get everyone in the car, drive down the road and then realize you didn't even feed yourself. You didn't even pack yourself a snack.
... You all wear your pajamas until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. This is normal. In fact when older boy gets dressed before this he always asks, "Hey! Where are we going??" in a super excited voice. Nowhere, buddy. We're just getting dressed like normal civilized people. That's what they do.
...Your hands still smell like that poop diaper you changed an hour ago. Even after washing your hands twice. And putting on lotion.
...All these things completely don't matter because as soon as little boy wakes up from his nap you are the first thing he sees and his face and eyes just turn into a pure mask of happiness like you are the coolest thing he's seen all day. And like when older boy wakes up in the morning and walks out of his room and sees you and gets a big grin on his face also and says, "Oh! Good morning Momma! Did you sleep good this night?" That's when you know. That's when you know how awesome it is to be a mother.
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